Hand me a mask now.

Writer's note: I wrote this poem when I was feeling really bad about myself. When I had the desperation of fitting in. And today, I don't want to. I don't want to fit in. I am happy standing out. I'm happy that I am not a part of the factory that make barbie dolls one after the other identical to each other. The poem's raw. But I don't want to improve it.. They say in Hindi "Bhaavnao ko samzo! (Meaning: Understand the feelings behind it)  I hope you like it :-)
Does skinniness matter so much?
Does prettiness too???
Is enjoying books more than parties a bad thing?
Do masks matter so much?
Okay then hand me a mask!
I'm not correct?
What do you even mean by that?!
Please give me the mask,
Please let me in.
I'm really lonely, please let me in.

Okay wait! Hand me the blade now!
Let me cut a little,let me bleed a little,
I know that won't make me skinny.
I need to remove a part of me...
To fit in the world of yours,
With each cut, with each drop of blood falling,
There's a bit of me; away from myself, I'm flowing!
I will work out a lot,
Maybe starve myself a little bit too.
Now will you see me as one of you?
Please give me the mask,
Please let me in.
I'm so lonely, please let me in.

Yes! I will laugh like you!
Yes! I will walk like you tell me to!
Yes! I'll be a good girl!
Yes! I'll do what a girl has to!
Hand them over to me,
I hope these chemicals make me pretty.
Now hand he the mask please,
I'm so tired of being lonely, please let me in!!

I'm ready to use those chemicals,
I will yank,pull,burn, do everything to it,
Until the very time my body gets pretty.
No more sneakers, only heels!
Only skirts, no more jeans.
I'll use the make-up kit,
I'll paint my nails
And use those contact lenses.
Now please give me the mask,
Please let me in,
I'm so lonely, please let me in.

"You are not one of us! We are never letting you in.
You are just a wannabee! Just a despo!
You were a good show. Now go away!!"

But you never...

"OUT!"

Who are you to quit on me?
I am quitting on you!
I just realized, I'm so happy not being one of you.
No longer will flow away a part of me
Especially for people like you.
I won't be lonely, I will be my own friend.
So how about you stay locked up,
In this 'society' of yours?
Will I go discover the world
All by myself...

-Nidhi Paralikar

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